" 'cause today I found my friends, are in my head"

I feel good so far. I haven't found a new job yet, but the search continues. It has been 50 days since I realized what caused the mental cycle that was ruining my life. The goal from that point was not to stop the cause of the cycle (for that is mental and how my mind works...no control over that,) but to use the mental workings to create a new cycle. In other words to stop letting it control me.

It has been good so far. I have had two days of the blahs like everyone gets. I have had four days of sinking depression. However, the good part is I didn't let it control me, or rather I refused to shut down. That is the first big step. I was worried that I I wouldn't be able to handle it.

It was fine to talk a big game in the beginning. I boasted that I was going to do this and that when I got depressed. But I was worried that I would not be able to. When it eventually did come, I pushed through and carried on with my day. Six months ago I would have floundered . I would have neglected some things that I needed to do. I would have felt depressed afterwords, feeling worthless. But pushing through, carrying on, those left me feeling capable.

That has left me happy....and a little excited.